Empowering your wife is critical to growth in your relationship. If she isn’t being supported, nurtured, or given the freedom and space she needs, she will become suffocated, stunted, and growth is inhibited. A potted tree’s growth is limited by the size of it’s container. Similarly, a python won’t outgrow its own cage. Your wife can only grow to her maximum potential if given the proper environment for it. Not to compare your spouse a tree or a snake, but you get the idea, growth is best fostered in an environment without boundaries. An integral ingredient to that growth is the result of empowering her. I haven’t always been the best at this with Aubrey, I’ve made mistakes and had to learn many lessons the hard way. I want to share a few ideas that have worked in my relationship in the hope that it can help in your own. I’ll go over five ways to empower your wife that have been very beneficial in my own marriage.
Let me start by saying I support any relationship where two consenting, age appropriate adults find love for one another. Regardless of sex, religion, beliefs, etc. Nothing should ever stop or hinder true love and all should be able to enter the union of marriage, same sex or not. I’ll be addressing the male/female dynamic in this article because it’s specific to my relationship and my personal experience. The principles discussed are true regardless of gender though, so please don’t get wrapped around the axle on my use of him/her or husband/wife. It would be naive of me to speak to same sex marriages with intimate knowledge since I have none. What I do know is that love is a universal language, so please hear my words with an open heart and apply what you will to your own life.
Public Affection, Verbal and Physical
How many times have you logged onto your favorite social media account and encountered the seemingly obligatory “Happy Birthday to my best friend…” or “Happy Anniversary to my partner in crime…” post? You know, the “You’re special today and I’m going to publicly acknowledge it to show you I care” post. Hey, I do it too, there’s nothing wrong with making someone feel good, especially when that someone is your partner, spouse, love of your life, whole world, etc. It feels good to publicly proclaim your love and adoration for that person and I encourage it! However, I feel like we’re (men) cumulatively missing the mark here. I’m all for a shout out to your mate on days we recognize such as birthdays and anniversaries. What I take issue with is when those are the only two days a year we do it!
Guys, I’m talking to you. Women are great at expressing love and devotion to their counterparts publicly, I see it every day. We tend to do it on a few special days a year. What I don’t see often are men expressing their love publicly the other 363 days a year. Why have we been manipulated by society into thinking men are any different than women in this regard? If you love her, and you choose her, there should be no problem letting the world know. And if you know a thing or two about love languages fellas, you’d also understand that if your spouse is publicly expressing their love to you, chances are, they would love reciprocation because we often exhibit the language we wish to receive. So why not hop on your favorite social media outlet, think of a few kinds words for your lover, and post a nice, funny, loving, or whatever message along with a picture of you two? Simply because you know it would make her feel good to see.
Everyone is different on their level of comfort with public affection, so make sure you talk to your wife about hers. Can you believe there are women who crave physical touch from their husband, they ask for it, sometimes beg for it, and still don’t get it? How can this be so difficult? She’s your wife, maybe even the mother of your children, show her and the rest of the world how much you not only love, but also desire her. Hold hands, rub her shoulders in line, kiss her forehead whenever you get the chance, pinch her butt, hug her, tickle her, and do it all where anyone can see. If you haven’t always been this way it may feel foreign. Try it out though, the more you open up, the easier it becomes and the better it feels. It’s incredibly empowering to get lost in a moment together in a public place and not to be concerned with the judgment of others. You love her, that’s all that matters, now show her by putting action to it.
Give Her Independence
We’ve all seen it, or worse heard it… “I let my wife go out with her friends” WRONG. Let’s get something straight, you don’t “let” your wife do anything, because you don’t own her. Marriage is not a contract of ownership, it’s a partnership. The second you hear possessive words like this escape your mouth, give yourself a time-out and think about the levity behind statements like that. It may seem a small thing, but it really isn’t. It’s a big deal to exude ownership over someone. To possess them in a way that you are allowed to control their actions. That’s toxic behavior and not conducive to growth. To use the metaphor from earlier, when someone attempts to possess another, they are putting a cage around the python, and growth is stunted. Rather, trust her to make good decisions for your marriage. Fear of betrayal does not make it acceptable to dictate the actions of another. If you get nothing else from this article, at least marinate on that last sentence.
You chose your wife for a million reasons, I would assume being loyal and trustworthy are among the attributes you considered. Encourage her to spend time away from you on occasion. It’s important for her to feel like an individual. Often we engage in similar routines every day and more times than not those routines include one another. Take a break, give space, allow her the freedom to connect with herself. It can be nice to miss one another once in a while and also to look forward to seeing each other again. Watch the kid(s) while she goes out with friends. Pick a day and take whatever you can off her plate of responsibilities and suggest she spend some solo time. Get her a treat, then leave the house for a few hours. Not everyone likes being alone so ask her first. Aubs and I both enjoy having some “me” time here and there, even if it’s only to run to the mall for an hour or two.
If trust has been compromised in your relationship, this may seem like a lot to ask. There’s nothing wrong with expressing feelings and having conversation on a topic. If you’re having a hard time with something, certainly express it and the reasons for it. Hopefully your concerns will be heard and she will take them into consideration when making her decisions. Ultimately, a woman that feels more trusted is going to feel more loved. Aubrey can do anything her heart desires. I trust her to make good decisions for us and our family. She knows how much I love her and that she could hurt me more deeply than anyone ever could, I trust that she wont. And if she did, I trust us to work through it. So what is there to fear?
Encourage Her to Embrace and Explore Her Sexuality and Femininity
I’ve caught quite a bit of heat for the photos I post of my beautiful bride on our social media accounts. People have accused me of being misogynistic, chauvinist, and sexist. This couldn’t be further from the truth and anyone that has spent some time around us would laugh at the ridiculousness of those claims.
Over the past few years, Aubrey has blossomed in her womanhood more so than any other point in our relationship. I’ve watched her learn to embrace her sexuality, to feel good about her body, to cast aside social stigma and judgment and instead, empower herself and other women. We’re highly sexual beings and she’s learned to harness her sexual strength and I support that! When I post photos of her, it’s a way to celebrate her victories and remind her of her power. It wasn’t too long ago that she wouldn’t be caught dead in a two piece bikini, she felt ashamed of her body, and wasn’t proud of her appearance. Now, she celebrates her body and feels comfortable in her skin. And while she constantly works to improve her body, that isn’t what brought the change of heart. She worked through this mentally and I’ll continue to support her every step of the way.
I realize to some it just looks like I’m just trying to show off my trophy wife, maybe I am, sue me. In all seriousness though, the driving purpose behind my adoration is to continue supporting her strength and the ability to shrug off the judgment of others. We have a daughter that will grow up equally if not more powerful because she has parents that will teach her the might women possess.
Also, encourage her to dress sexy! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard arguments in a relationship because the husband thinks the wife is dressing too sexy, especially if she’s going out without him. Or because she posted a photo on social media he feels is too sexy. News flash fellas, it’s her body, not yours. If she wants to wear something that makes her feel good or to post a picture she’s proud of, that’s all you need to care about, just support that. It boggles my mind that so many guys have insanely high standards for women, yet, as soon as they choose one as a mate, suddenly they don’t want them attracting attention anymore.
“But but but, other guys are going to check her out if she dresses like that!” Ya… I hope so! And guess what? She hopes so too! And there’s nothing wrong with that. It has nothing to do with her wanting to “hook up” with anyone or to meet guys or because she needs more attention. It has to do with self worth, feeling proud of her body and feeling liberated and powerful as a woman in a world that’s long been controlled by men. It feels good to be desired and get attention, why would you deprive her of that if you trust her? The hard but true answer is because it stems from your own insecurity. Maybe that insecurity is there due to past trauma in another relationship. Maybe trust has been compromised in your current relationship. Either way, you should be working towards security in your relationship, the more trust you extend, the greater the bond.
Create a safe space to have conversations when someone does flirt with her. Listen, you married a beautiful girl, if you think you’re the only person in the world that’s going to notice, you’re in for a rude awakening. So rather than getting upset when you hear about someone flirting with her or buying her a drink etc, embrace that reality and have a conversation about it and make it fun! It’s a huge compliment that someone else was interested in her. Let her tell you the story, make her feel good about it, and most importantly, let her know she deserved it. Or, you can do like many guys do, just act like a neanderthal. A primitive cave dweller that would rather pretend like it’s not happening by closing his eyes and covering his ears. Then over-react when it does happen and expose your fragile ego for what it is. Heaven forbid you have to face the fact that you aren’t the only person on this planet that desires your wife.
Take Interest in Her Interests
If you’re in a relationship, you should know what makes your wife tick. What she loves doing, how she enjoys spending her free time, and all the things that interest her. Take the time to understand why she loves the things she does. It feels good to talk about the things we enjoy and it feels even better when we recognize someone taking an interest in them just because they care about us.
I’ve never been interested in learning about hair-styling. It’s not a profession I would have ever considered for myself and truthfully, I spent most my life ignorant to the talent that is required of a good stylist. Aubrey has done hair for over a decade and she’s insanely good. I constantly ask her questions because I’m genuinely interested in the knowledge she possesses. It’s a huge turn on to listen to her explain disulfide bonds, the chemical process, methods for cutting, etc. Or to watch her skilled hands deftly and precisely using her shears. I’d cut my fingers to bits if I tried navigating a head of hair with those things! I know it makes her feel good that I engage and actively listen when we talk about her work because it feels great when she gives me the same attention. It’s nice to feel important and recognized.
If you don’t know where to start, just ask! Let her know you’re interested in the things she enjoys because it helps you know her better. Maybe she’s taking an interest in spirituality, religion, sexuality, etc. read some of the material she’s reading so you can have a conversation on it. Now rather than her just telling you something, you can engage and carry the conversation further because you’ve shown an interest in her interest, thus empowering her by giving her confidence and validation in the things she enjoys.
Talk About Her to People
Pride is a double edged sword, after all, it’s listed as one of the “seven deadly sins” Google defines pride as “a feeling of satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements.” I don’t express pride in many things because use of that word often triggers a negative connotation in the mind’s eye. However, when it comes to my wife and daughter, I am proud and it feels great to express it. Your relationship should be one area of your life you can openly feel pride in. It’s something you work at daily and if you’re living a happy and fulfilled life together, you’re doing it right, why not take pride in that? There’s nothing wrong with filling your own sails with wind if it carries you to the destination you desire.
Talk to people about her! Talk to your family, your friends, strangers, never miss an opportunity to tell someone how important your other half is to you. It should come naturally, you have a wife you’re proud of, rattling off the reasons why should be a breeze.
Speaking positively about your wife to others does a few things. Its a good way to remind yourself about all the things you love, sometimes it takes speaking them openly to remember to appreciate all of them. It’s also a great way let other’s know how grounded and strong your relationship is. People that interfere in the relationships of others typically look for those that are struggling. They are predators seeking to find a way in where there’s space or weakness. Don’t give them any, let everyone know how strong your bond is and they will think twice before considering getting in the middle of yours. People looking for affairs don’t typically make the attempt on someone that boasts about how amazing their spouse is. Lastly, word gets around, how happy would it make her if she heard through the grapevine some of the nice things you say about her? Wouldn’t it make you feel good to hear through a friend that your wife was raving about what a good cook you are? Or how good you are with your kid(s)? So do it! Spread the word, sing it loud and sing it proud, let everyone know how lucky and grateful you are. There’s a line a mile long of eligible bachelors that would love to be in your shoes, the least you can do is be proud you are the one she continues to choose. Show some #Wifepride.
Happy Wife, Happy Life
We’ve all heard the phrase, usually it’s used as a joking expression, but it also holds weight. The fact of the matter is, if you’re working on always growing your bond together and your wife is happy, you’re also probably pretty happy too. Positivity breeds positivity and the more you feed your relationship, the bigger and stronger it will get.
Guys, sure we can be tough, that’s easy, the physical realm is much easier to understand than the world of complicated feelings. Being emotionally secure and confident may not come quite as easily to us but we need to stop relying on the age old stigmas that say we aren’t wired that way, it’s a cop-out. We can be wired any way we choose to wire ourselves.
“Em-pow-er: to make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights”. It’s a beautiful word with a powerful message. Give her affection verbally and physically, giver her freedom, support her femininity, take interest in her interests, talk about her to others, and show pride in what you’ve created together. These are just five ways to empower your wife, there are hundreds, have fun discovering many more together and please feel free to share with me what works in your relationship as well.