Coming Out of the Closet: An Honest Relationship

Today is a big day for us. We’ve decided to live more transparently than we have been and open up about our extremely honest relationship. As I’m sure it’s quite apparent to any that know us, we are head over heels in love with one another. We need each other like we need oxygen and the world revolves around one another.

What many of you may not have known is that we also have a relationship that allows the freedom to love others mentally, emotionally, and sexually as well. What does that mean? Well, labels like “open, swinger, polyamory, ethical non-monogamy, etc.” all seem to come with preconceived notions as most labels do, so we steer clear of them. It would be impossible to condense all we’ve evolved our relationship to in a single word. If I had to choose one though, I’d call it an HONEST relationship.

We feel like our cup of love together is overflowing, and we enjoy sharing those amazing feelings with other like-minded friends. We’ve cast aside negative emotions like ego and jealousy that aren’t conducive to anything but negative energy. In their place, we practice open communication with one another. Communication built in trust and without fear of a negative reaction paves the way for a truly honest relationship. We speak true to one another and don’t hide our feelings. We share love freely, in all its capacities, with one another, and our friends. We’ve transcended the boundaries of a typical relationship and the archetype marriage has become.

“Wait… so this is just about having sex with other people… right?” Wrong. While the sexual aspect of our dynamic does have a place, it’s a small place. In the big picture, it’s about love and growth. It’s about breaking free of the cultural conditioning we’ve been victim to. We’ve cast aside the standard narrative as it applies to marriage and dismissed the illusion that one person should be responsible for ALL our happiness for the rest of our lives. We let go the idea that people should possess or control one another. Instead, we grew our container for love and increased its capacity in our lives.

“Hold on, hold on, hold ON… how can you be ok with someone else being intimate with your spouse, to connect emotionally, physically and vice versa?” Easy, it’s as simple as finding happiness in each other’s happiness, or compersion. We don’t own or possess one another and would never impose rule over one another. A better question would to ask would be, “Why are you NOT ok with those things.” Continue asking the “why” to that question until you reach the source. Why does someone else connecting with your loved one bother you if it’s what they desire? I’d be willing to bet it stems from insecurity, jealousy, ego, or a combination of all those negative emotions. We came to terms with this simple fact: If something makes your spouse happy (as in connecting with another human), and the only reason you wouldn’t want that to happen is rooted in your own insecurity, that’s a personal problem, and with the right mindset, easy to overcome. We don’t think it’s fair to deprive people things in life that they want simply because it makes someone feel insecure. Insecurities etc. are self-inflicted wounds and easily correctable.

“So you’re against traditional values? I’m not sure I’m comfortable with you debasing the sanctity of something we’ve done as humans for so long”. Put down your pitch forks, no crusade is necessary here ladies and gentlemen. We certainly aren’t slandering traditional monogamous marriages, they work for many. Although, if you check the stats, they also don’t work for many. In fact almost half of all marriages end in divorce. With a number that high, aren’t you curious if there’s another way? We were, and thus our quest for understanding began. Exploring a much more honest relationship provided the answers we were seeking.

“Why now? Why make your business public, we don’t care what you do, can’t you keep this private?” We’ve lived this way in secrecy for several years. Along the way people have found out. As a result, we’ve been judged, lost friends, called names, and had rumors spread about us that aren’t true. It made us sad we felt like we had to hide a big part of our lives because society doesn’t accept this practice as “normal”. This is a part of our lives we’re proud of. We’ve worked hard to reach this point and we aren’t going to be made to feel shameful because others have insecurities they haven’t dealt with. Coming out is liberating for us, be happy in that. And if you find our way of life offensive, no problem at all, our roads don’t need to intersect, no love lost.

“Why spread your business on social media and the internet though?” Because you, my friends, are our circle of influence. You’re the people we know that impact our lives. This isn’t about getting likes or generating a heated debate. We simply want to come out on our own terms and meet things head on rather than responding or reacting to people as they find out. We don’t owe an explanation, this is us letting everyone know, we’re happy, and we hope you can be happy for us too. We also know many others living similarly that don’t feel able to live freely because the backlash of judgment they will certainly endure by family, friends, and society as a whole. We hope to inspire others to break the chain and live openly as well. We strongly believe we are on the verge of a sexual revolution as it relates to marriage and in the not too distant future this will be considered “normal”. We want to promote and help usher in the new era by inspiring others that feel similarly.

“But that’s so sad, you have a daughter, won’t she be teased or think you’re weird” Our child will be raised in a home of acceptance. A home full of love, open communication, and without judgment. She will be taught to share her love with those deserving and not to be a follower. To question things that are called “normal” and come to her own conclusions on right and wrong. It won’t be weird to her because it’s the environment she’ll be raised in. She’ll also be surrounded by amazing people who love her like family. The expression goes, “It takes a village to raise a child” and the tribe of amazing people we keep in our lives will certainly assist in her development.

I can now empathize with the way homosexuals, transgender, cross-dressers, etc. feel before “coming out of the closet”. Finding a place in life that feels good, that makes you genuinely happy, but afraid to live openly for fear of the reaction feels horrible. Well, we aren’t going to do it anymore. We’re happy and proud about the life we live.

To our dearest friends that never judged us and supported us along the way, thank you. You’ve all inspired us and we wouldn’t be at this place without you. To those just meeting us or curious about the way we live, please don’t hesitate to reach out, we’re happy to discuss all of it.

For a lengthier analysis of our honest relationship dynamic, be sure to check out our podcast interview!